5. America’s Next Top Pontiff
What’s it about: The Pope has died, and the cardinals gather for the titular conclave to choose the new Pope. A very political process for something that’s supposed to be asking God who he wants and running with that. Anyhoo Cardinal Thomas Lawrence runs the contentious conclave, hoping to steer the vote towards the more liberal Aldo Bellini or moderate Joseph Tremblay, and away from the conservative Joshua Adeyemi or the reactionary throwback Goffredo Tedesco, and wouldn’t it be nice, wouldn’t it be so nice to see just one reactionary throwback lose an election right now. Okay France managed it, but the rest… Anyhoo, scandals are revealed, wild cards introduced, and as much as Lawrence tries to sequester the conclave, the outside world creeps its way in as the College of Cardinals wrestles with the soul of Catholicism.
It’s Always Sunny:
Cardinal Lawrence: “I have no desire to be the Pope.”
It very much says something that I found all of the twists and turns, upsets and revelations a fascinating and engaging journey despite figuring out who the next Pope was going to be within the first ten minutes. I mean, it’s not hard. If you know how stories work, you’re bound to go “Oh. Him. It’ll be him,” pretty quickly, but the manners in which leading contenders are knocked out of the running are pretty interesting, and the Big Secret of the chosen pontiff is a quality (if slightly predictable) reveal, even if a lot of people are going to misinterpret it in a way I can’t explain without spoiling it.
You’ve also got a phenomenal cast of big name 90s actors that still have it, from Ralph Fiennes at the center to John Lithgow, Stanley Tucci, and Isabella Rossellini, who doesn’t have much to do but does it well.
It’s a low-key, slow-burn political thriller, and a decently gripping one.
Films of 2024: It’s #9, right under fellow “Well there’s only one way this ends but I’m digging the journey” movie Saturday Night and over I’m Still Here.
Best Pictures: Also at 21, this and I’m Still Here were pretty close, Conclave just happened to know better when to lower the curtain.
Who got snubbed? A Complete Unknown getting nominated for costumes over Dune 2 feels even crazier than the acting nominations, people were choosing the wrong Chalamet movie all over the place.
This movie barely made the top half for me but I’m still rooting for it to win? Maybe because whatever wins, I have to rewatch it next year for Academy Vs. Audience, and of the things I think could win this is what I’d want to see twice.
4. Immigrants Get the Job Done, And Are Hated For It
What’s it about: Brutalist architect László Tóth escapes the Holocaust and manages to flee to America, finally arriving a little after the end of the war, struggling to find a way to bring his wife and niece out to join him, but finds the Land of Opportunity isn’t as big on immigrants as the Statue of Liberty claims, including his cousin who’s worked so hard to assimilate he’s married an American Catholic. But the ultra-wealthy Harrison Van Buren takes a liking to László’s work and hires him to build a community center… but even as high society celebrates his work, László, his wife Erzsébet, and Zsófia (who has avoided talking since being sent to the camps) still struggle to make this a home, as High Society only likes them for what they can get out of them.
It’s Always Sunny:
Harrison: “I want you to build me a community center, something that really brings people together.”
I don’t… hm. There are few movies this year that have made me work this hard to figure out what they’re trying to say. But I will give it this, I was not bored, which at 215 minutes plus intermission (which I was glad for, as I got a fishbowl cocktail at the theatre) is quite the achievement. There are statements on the pressure to assimilate, from cousin Attila trying to seem more American to Erzsébet saying “Call me Elizabeth if you like” at her first dinner party. It has some great scenes on how the upper crust is willing to use László but not accept him, and one bonkers scene in act two you will not see coming.
And I don’t know that even Nickel Boys managed a moment as uncomfortable as Harrison’s son asking silent Zsófia if she wants “to go for a walk.”
(Zsófia does okay in life, don’t panic, but that doesn’t mean that walk was safe)
Act two goes odd places but I can’t fault the performances or camera work, strong right off the bat as László arriving at Ellis Island is shot with enough tension and frantic intensity that until he reaches the outside deck and sees Lady Liberty we can’t be sure we haven’t opened on László in Dachau.
It is a compelling watch, I just can’t tell what exactly I was supposed to take from it. Also that community center was ugly.
Films of 2024: Despite some uncertainty I put it at number 6, under our next entry and over future Recovered episode Nosferatu.
Best Pictures: Same as above, right at 21.
What Got Snubbed: Continuing the “if horror was considered legit filmmaking” conversation, really most of the cast of Heretic was excellent but definitely Hugh Grant.
3. Wedding Crashers
One spoiler for Scream 5 coming if that’s important to you.
What’s it about: Exotic dancer Ani (Anora on her passport) takes an outside-work-hours gig with Vanya, the son of Russian oligarchs, a kid who loves sex, booze, drugs, video games, and throwing his parents’ money at as many of those at the same time as he can. Mostly the first three, the fourth he fits into the gaps. Ani loves this taste of rich life, and Vanya loves being rich in America with no responsibilities, so when he suggests they get married so he never has to leave, she jumps at it. Problem is, Vanya’s parents do not care for this development, and send their local fixer Toros to make this Cinderella story go away, leading to a very long and awkward night for Ani, Toros, and Toros’ henchmen.
It’s Always Sunny:
Ani: “I’m off to move in with my new husband, and I’ll be living the sweet life from here on!”
That last part sounds pretty dark but I promise you it isn’t, it is in fact frequently very funny. Toros and his henchmen Garnick and Igor are never menacing enough for the second act to be too disturbing; Igor (nominated for supporting actor, and justifiably so) comes closest but just because he’s better at intimidating people doesn’t mean it’s his preference. Their desperate quest to find Vanya and undo his green card marriage before the parents get here comes closer to farce than thriller, and I love it for that. Toros’ mounting panic and frustration over this is a nice counter-balance to Ani’s growing realization that her Prince Charming is just a useless fuckboi who isn’t going to come and stand up for their marriage.
Mikey Madison, famous for being set on fire in both Scream 5 and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, does excellently as Ani, from her charms in the beginning to her fierce defiance in the second act to moments of crushing vulnerability at the end. Were she not in competition with Demi Moore’s comeback and Cynthia Erivo’s bombastic turn as Elphaba, I’d be excited for our First Oscar-Winning Ghostface (second nominee), but hopefully this still leads to bigger and better, ’cause she’s great as our central character.
It’s a delight and I’m happy for the awards love it’s gotten so far.
Films of 2024: #5, right under our next entry and over The Brutalist.
Best Pictures: It would be #18, between two other stories of people who needed to learn their relationship was not as healthy as they wanted it to be, Bridge on the River Kwai and The Apartment.
Who got snubbed? You know what, if we’re handing out trophies for playing famous people, maybe we could have kicked the tires on Gotham’s Cory Michael Smith, our best Riddler, as Chevy Chase in Saturday Night. He probably had the best arc aside from Lorne Michaels and was a cast highlight in a stacked roster.
2. The Musical for People Who Like Musicals
What’s it about: the story of how Glinda the Good and the Wicked Witch of the West met at college, and what set them towards those respective titles.
It’s Always Sunny:
Elphaba: “We’re finally going to the Emerald City to meet the Wizard!”
Glinda: “Everything will be great from here on!”
I was ready to be a hater on this one. Splitting the musical into two movies felt like a cash grab, and stretching the first act to nearly three hours seemed a big ask. But man was I wrong.
It’s a gorgeous looking movie, even when the lighting choices are washing it out a bit*, the leads are all pretty spectacular (even if we can tell that Jeff Goldblum and Michelle Yeoh were not cast for their singing), and it impressed me how well paced it felt. It should drag. It should feel like too long between songs. But it doesn’t. They add just enough flavour in just the right moments to flesh out the story while somehow keeping it moving along. The only exception to me personally was that they stretched the final chorus and verse of Defying Gravity out to like 8-12 minutes, longer than the entire song in live productions. I get it’s a tempting song to milk but we’re at the two hours forty mark, John, ease up on the broomstick flying and get there.
(*Look I’m not saying they should have snubbed John Chu for best director, but maybe washing out your movie with backlighting because you think that your musical about the magical kingdom of Oz needs to look realistic demonstrates a failure of vision.)
There were also so many little moments I loved. G(a)linda flopping dramatically on her bed then glancing up to see if Elphaba is paying sufficient attention before re-flopping. Tweaking one spoken moment in Dancing Through Life so that the Ozdust Ballroom is a speakeasy Fiero knows rather than asking Glinda what the coolest place in town is then singing about how everyone should go there like he invented it. Boq and Nessa double-dating with Fiero and Glinda so that Boq and Nessa’s relationship has some weight when Bok has what I hope to be a proper heel turn in part two (Glinda neither loves nor cares about you, Boq, let it go, pining endlessly hurts you both).
It’s just overall a pretty excellent piece of filmmaking that I expected little from but received so much.
Films of 2024: #4, right between other stories of close relationships that are having issues, Anora and A Real Pain.
Best Pictures: This would be my highest ranked musical at 17, under another movie about one woman too clever for the establishment, The Silence of the Lambs, and over fellow “losing yourself while fighting oppression” story River Kwai.
What got snubbed? It’s weird that Challengers got nothing. The cast was excellent, the camera work strong, the score great, it should be in there somewhere, but it came out in spring and Oscar voters are like goldfish.
1. Aging is the Ultimate Body Horror
What’s it about: aging actress Elisabeth Sparkle finds herself suddenly being pushed out of her hit aerobics show, her last piece of Hollywood glamour, but receives an invitation to try new drug the Substance, which grants Elisabeth a second, youthful, beautiful body who becomes known as Sue. But she can only be Sue for a week at a time before switching back to Elisabeth. Separate bodies, but both are one, and if the balance is not maintained…
It’s Always Sunny:
Instructions: “Remember, you are one. The balance must be maintained.”
Well this one is a ride. The body horror can be substantial (sorry), but like so much of this movie, it is just perfectly crafted. The script, about the damage society’s expectations do to women but also the damage women do to themselves accepting those standards, is excellent, and the direction is incredible. There are so many perfectly realized moments I could dissect at length… Elisabeth enduring the insult of being told she’s no longer young or glamourous enough by an even-older Dennis Quaid slurping shrimp into his butthole-looking mouth (a scene perhaps even more uncomfortable than the “birth” of Sue). Elisabeth’s decades-long career being perfectly summed up by a time-lapse closeup of her star on the Walk of Fame. The boys from the network being six absolutely interchangeable elderly white men. And the most gutting scene of the movie, Elisabeth trying to get ready for a date with a schlub she knew in high school, a date you can just tell she isn’t making.
Also it’s quite funny when it wants to be. Like, normally a horror movie being nominated for “Best Comedy/Musical” would be the start of a conversation about category fraud, but in this case, I see it. The last twenty minutes (which one could be forgiven for thinking gild the lily a bit) go far enough over the top you can’t not laugh a bit. And cringe. Alternating laughs and cringes.
Not for everyone, but if you can roll with it, incredible filmmaking.
Films of 2024: It’s at #2, as high as a movie without at least dozens of beavers can get.
Best Pictures: I think it’s 11th? Under the similarly Hollywood-themed Argo but over fellow “the sickness is in your own hearts” flick Gentleman’s Agreement, the treatise on American anti-Semitism that only I like but that maybe people should rewatch with their hearts, not just their eyes, given all of the everything.
Who got snubbed? Nothing but love for Demi Moore’s nomination, but Margaret Qualley was fully half that movie, and it took a year for her skin to recover from the prosthetics involved, if she’d sung a Joan Baez song would that do it for you, voters?
And there we have it. Not quite as strong a lineup as last year, and also no clear favourite as the pre-cursors are all over the place. But that does make for a more exciting show. And six of the nominees were in my top ten for the year, that’s pretty solid. So let’s see who wins what, and what my co-hosts and I have to break down next year.
Please not Emilia Peréz. You are better than this, Oscars, you still have a choice to make here.
